It’s been some time since I
wrote a Blog, too long! Mainly it has been a tough old journey to get to this
point which is an honest reflection of life since I started this weight loss
journey at the end of March. Because of the struggle I have been a little less
eager to write which is crazy because that is the time to write. It keeps the
momentum and focus.
I have released weight most
weeks with the exception of just one week where I gained a pound. I’ve gone
from a BMI of 37.2 to 31.9 and released two and half stones of weight which is
quite an achievement … I am proud of myself for that I must say.
Its a busy summer with
festivals, camps and a holiday abroad and that has been tricky to handle at
times. I remained on sole source for ten weeks in total and stepped up to step
two for a week before going away for a weekend to a music festival. Once at the
festival I had shakes but allowed myself to eat on two evenings plus drink
alcohol. When I got home again I found it so difficult to get back to sole
source so I have remained on step two. Funnily enough the first week on step
two saw a release of 4 pounds which was pretty good considering I had reintroduced
food again. Again, on holiday in Lanzarote I found it difficult to incorporate
the shakes into my day when others were going down for breakfast and dinner. It
was so darn hot there too and I certainly couldn’t carry cold water with me to
mix a shake and would have felt awkward doing so on the beach. So I ate,
sometimes healthily but sometimes not. I am not going to be hard on myself for
doing this because life is too short to get hung up on stuff like that. Onwards
I go.
Step two is quite
restrictive for me personally as it introduces certain foods for example green
leafy vegetables and salad leaves and protein but no carbs though! Ahhhhhhhh! I
managed this whilst at home but failed miserably when at the music festival and
on holiday in Lanzarote. If I’m honest I maybe could have found a way around it
but I was tempted very much by carbs and fatty foods around me. That resulted
in me consuming chips, crisps and other big no-no foods I am sorry to share.
Once I started I found it difficult to stop.
Like with sole source it
takes a great deal of focus and will power to stay rigidly on step two but the
failure to stick to it has mainly been down to my frame of mind I feel. That is
my emotional eating trigger rearing its ugly head again I’m afraid. I have felt
so low about various life issues and sought comfort yet again in food. That
said though, I am really not beating myself up about it and I am accepting the
situation as it needs to be and confident that I will conquer this once and for
all.
Food and I have a very
volatile relationship. It’s all or nothing! I was so in control and felt on top
of the game with sole source but once I had started to allow food in again I
began to also allow crap food in to fill an emotional void. I am really OK with
that now and I acknowledge all the reasons why I started to emotionally eat. It
has been a part of my life for many years and so it will take time,
understanding and will power to change that urge to reach for all the junk type
foods.
Coupled with my very low
mood and frame of mind I have had another pressure to contend with. This time
it is not my issue but others who frequently make comments about the Cambridge
Diet being very unhealthy. This does kinda undermine my confidence and
commitment to the diet in that I felt so in control and believed in it big time
and these comments seeped into my psyche allowing the gremlins to multiply and
produce doubts. I accept that others opinions are based on ignorance and lack
of understanding of how it all works so I am learning to throw those comments
by the wayside and keep my faith and commitment to stay focussed.
On the plus side though it
seems that the weight loss I have achieved has inspired another person to go
for it. She made me feel quite good about how I look and is determined to give
it a go herself. If I was in a better frame of mind I would be so ecstatic to
have been an inspiration but I don’t really feel that joy inside. The down side
here is that I have shed layers and feel vulnerable and scared now that the pain
can consume me more. It is like I am open to the elements to ravage my soul. That is the main part of all of this that I
need to address and soon. I have viewed every stone as a release of a life
experience or event that has caused me immense pain over many years. However, I
acknowledge I have physically done the work to release that weight but not done
a scrap of work to release the pain. So that is where I am at right now!
Like life itself this
journey is made up of a rollercoaster of ups and downs and I am navigating
through it slowly but surely. To finish on a positive note here … I got into
the red dress I so wanted to wear and I wore my bikini with confidence on
holiday … so that is a huge achievement!
