Trials and Tribulations!

It’s been some time since I wrote a Blog, too long! Mainly it has been a tough old journey to get to this point which is an honest reflection of life since I started this weight loss journey at the end of March. Because of the struggle I have been a little less eager to write which is crazy because that is the time to write. It keeps the momentum and focus.

I have released weight most weeks with the exception of just one week where I gained a pound. I’ve gone from a BMI of 37.2 to 31.9 and released two and half stones of weight which is quite an achievement … I am proud of myself for that I must say.

Its a busy summer with festivals, camps and a holiday abroad and that has been tricky to handle at times. I remained on sole source for ten weeks in total and stepped up to step two for a week before going away for a weekend to a music festival. Once at the festival I had shakes but allowed myself to eat on two evenings plus drink alcohol. When I got home again I found it so difficult to get back to sole source so I have remained on step two. Funnily enough the first week on step two saw a release of 4 pounds which was pretty good considering I had reintroduced food again. Again, on holiday in Lanzarote I found it difficult to incorporate the shakes into my day when others were going down for breakfast and dinner. It was so darn hot there too and I certainly couldn’t carry cold water with me to mix a shake and would have felt awkward doing so on the beach. So I ate, sometimes healthily but sometimes not. I am not going to be hard on myself for doing this because life is too short to get hung up on stuff like that. Onwards I go.

Step two is quite restrictive for me personally as it introduces certain foods for example green leafy vegetables and salad leaves and protein but no carbs though! Ahhhhhhhh! I managed this whilst at home but failed miserably when at the music festival and on holiday in Lanzarote. If I’m honest I maybe could have found a way around it but I was tempted very much by carbs and fatty foods around me. That resulted in me consuming chips, crisps and other big no-no foods I am sorry to share. Once I started I found it difficult to stop.

Like with sole source it takes a great deal of focus and will power to stay rigidly on step two but the failure to stick to it has mainly been down to my frame of mind I feel. That is my emotional eating trigger rearing its ugly head again I’m afraid. I have felt so low about various life issues and sought comfort yet again in food. That said though, I am really not beating myself up about it and I am accepting the situation as it needs to be and confident that I will conquer this once and for all.

Food and I have a very volatile relationship. It’s all or nothing! I was so in control and felt on top of the game with sole source but once I had started to allow food in again I began to also allow crap food in to fill an emotional void. I am really OK with that now and I acknowledge all the reasons why I started to emotionally eat. It has been a part of my life for many years and so it will take time, understanding and will power to change that urge to reach for all the junk type foods.

Coupled with my very low mood and frame of mind I have had another pressure to contend with. This time it is not my issue but others who frequently make comments about the Cambridge Diet being very unhealthy. This does kinda undermine my confidence and commitment to the diet in that I felt so in control and believed in it big time and these comments seeped into my psyche allowing the gremlins to multiply and produce doubts. I accept that others opinions are based on ignorance and lack of understanding of how it all works so I am learning to throw those comments by the wayside and keep my faith and commitment to stay focussed.

                                                                             

On the plus side though it seems that the weight loss I have achieved has inspired another person to go for it. She made me feel quite good about how I look and is determined to give it a go herself. If I was in a better frame of mind I would be so ecstatic to have been an inspiration but I don’t really feel that joy inside. The down side here is that I have shed layers and feel vulnerable and scared now that the pain can consume me more. It is like I am open to the elements to ravage my soul.  That is the main part of all of this that I need to address and soon. I have viewed every stone as a release of a life experience or event that has caused me immense pain over many years. However, I acknowledge I have physically done the work to release that weight but not done a scrap of work to release the pain. So that is where I am at right now!

Like life itself this journey is made up of a rollercoaster of ups and downs and I am navigating through it slowly but surely. To finish on a positive note here … I got into the red dress I so wanted to wear and I wore my bikini with confidence on holiday … so that is a huge achievement!