The First Mile-stone

Well that is the first stone in weight released over a period of three weeks … bar half a pound. I feel really good about it.

The way I felt when I first started this journey was completely awful! I felt weary, heavily weighted down, completely burdened by past trauma, panicky and fearful that I wouldn’t be able to do this but quietly determined that I would! I was grinding to a painful halt and probably eating my way into an early grave.

Whilst losing weight through a very low calorie diet (vlcd) is not the healthiest way perhaps of losing weight, I felt that I needed to regain control of this weighty situation I had gotten myself into. So I opted to start my journey with the Cambridge Diet which I had “had a go at” many years ago, when actually I really shouldn’t have been allowed being as I was not really overweight. Back then I guess the regulations were not quite so stringent.

I started the Cambridge Diet on 29^th March after preparing myself from a psychological point of view for the journey ahead. I had to feel ready in my mind and embrace this journey in its entirety. Weight loss is only partially about what you put in your mouth and very much about your thoughts and your brain! I have lots of goals this year for which I want to feel good but more than anything I wanted to address once and for all the reasons why I had put on so much weight. Those reasons may differ from person to person, but for me weight gain has occurred following times of immense stress and trauma. It is my response to those experiences that led to comfort eating to make me feel better inside, full and content when my world was feeling empty and collapsing around me. I recognised that I needed to address my emotional response to difficult life experiences and to use a different coping strategy other than eating and drinking. That means my whole life story requires un-ravelling and re-writing to become a whole new shiny, bright story without carrying the excess weight that stifles my femininity and creativity.

So….. One of the best aspects for me personally about the Cambridge Sole Source Diet is the absence of food altogether. It has allowed me to acknowledge the times when I feel hungry and to consciously make a choice not to reach for quick fixes. I have also seen patterns emerging whereby I would have a bad day or felt low in mood and want to shovel take-away foods, chocolate, crisps, bread, cheese and wine down my throat. That may have filled my world at that time with immediate pleasure and satisfaction but what afterwards? I would have felt as I always did when I succumbed to those emotions that led me to fill my stomach: feelings of guilt, self loathing, disgust, embarrassment …oh the list is endless! But the end result was constant weight-gain and the vicious cycle that is characteristic of emotional eating. The Cambridge Diet allows me the space to analyse my cravings and my usual responses because there is no food to get in the way.

Now, don’t get me wrong here; I am not a woman who is obsessed with how I look and I do not feel that being on the larger curvier side is un-attractive in any way shape or form. The Feminine form is beautiful and our curves are simply divine. For me this is about my feeling of carrying the weight of past heart-breaks, traumatic life experiences and so forth, which have almost ground me to a halt by stopping me from being able to physically do the things I want to do.

After releasing this first stone I have, in a short space of time, completely embraced my inner Goddess again with all of my being. I am very much a woman of substance who promotes positive body image no matter what size or shape within the Sisterhood. I stopped applying that to myself and some how the words of encouragement that I spoke to others did not amount to what I was living in my own story. I needed to learn to walk my walk again... And I have!

I love my curves and I embrace my imperfect-perfections because they are me and they are what make me a unique woman. I AM good enough and I AM loved by myself and by those who matter. My life-story so far will not define my on-going story! Bit by bit I am letting go of the hurt and the trauma that culminated in the burden I carried upon my shoulders and surrounded my body like a security blanket or protective layering. It is time for me to fly high again with the freedom to be myself.

When I feel like this is too hard and not worth it I say these words to myself …. “Before I decide to quit, remember why I started in the first place”..... and I keep going because I am ready!