Well it’s been a few weeks
since I wrote for this Blog. The reason being that life has been quite busy but
also because I have not done so well sticking to the CD Sole Source plan. This,
I feel has led me to reflect today on why I have not done so well but also to
realise that this is a journey and will take some time to travel. After all it
took years to pile on this heavy weight and burden and so it is going to take more
than just a few weeks to shed that load. One you get your head around this
concept it does put things into more perspective and it becomes more manageable
Last week I fell by the
wayside a little and started to eat again whilst on sole source. My Triggers
for eating apart from just wanting to eat because I am a living being and
designed to eat, are quite complex but I am beginning to understand them a
little better.
So what were those Triggers
and what did I learn last week?
Firstly, I had a very busy
time celebrating Beltane (a Pagan festival) and I was so much more active than
usual. I therefore burnt off quite a lot of energy in the process and felt
hungry because of it. I had felt so good about being able to walk up the steep
lane in the procession I took part in and truly felt I was reaping the rewards
of losing weight and feeling fitter. So I was actually on quite a high at that
point. But instead it became Trigger number one in a series that would make
last week one that I would rather forget. In hindsight I should have made sure
I drank more water because it was a very hot day and I could actually have been
more dehydrated than hungry. But if I had still felt hungry I could have had an
extra CD shake to top up a little on energy, as feeling so hungry was the
catalyst for the next trigger point.
So, secondly, I shopped and
purchased two tubs of Lurpak spreadable butter that were on offer in the
Supermarket and also white “best of both” bread because that is what my son
eats. I LOVE white bread toasted with butter dripping from it and I kept
thinking about it constantly after buying it and almost obsessed over the wretched
stuff. I went away overnight and told my partner that when I got home I would
have two rounds of white bread toasted with butter on it to satisfy my craving
and then get back to CD sole source again … easy! I had after all been doing so
well and subconsciously felt I deserved a reward and I felt sure I could just
have that little treat and get back to sole source quite easily. Big mistake
and the wise words of my very supportive partner ring in my ears still “It will
open the flood gates once you start to eat” he said! And oh boy did it. I didn’t
stop at two rounds I just couldn’t or wouldn’t stop eating and that completely
ruined my morale and resolve. Actually that is an understatement because I
became an “Emo” wreck! Looking back on this I realise that I still don’t know
when to stop eating. I feel in control when on the CD sole source but away from
that I resort back to old eating habits …and some. I have choices and I choose
to be on this journey to feel healthier and fitter. I need to work on this aspect
more in readiness for stepping up the plan to eat again and to learn to consciously
choose healthier options. If I choose to eat foods that made me pile the weight
on in the first place I will have done all this for nothing and learnt nothing
along the way. I must learn to appreciate healthier but tasty foods and make
preparations for this before I end CD sole source and know when to stop eating.
I also need to realise that rewarding myself for doing well with weight loss
with processed and unhealthy foods is a huge contradiction to what I am trying
to achieve…. Such craziness to think that “fat” foods are a treat!
Thirdly, I returned to work
and didn’t pace myself too well. Instead I worked longer hours and became
totally stressed out trying to catch up with everything. Big mistake! It is my
job, my JOB and I am worth so much more than my job than putting my body
through so much stress. In future I will pace myself much more effectively. I
know this will be easier said than done but actually I am no good to anyone,
including my Employer if I make myself ill through stress. I will pay more
attention to diarising appointments and consultations before and after any
leave to allow space to work more effectively. I always used to work this way
but became entangled in the “being all things to everybody mentality”. I am NOT
Super-Human!
Fourthly, I failed to
recognise the signs that my body cycle was heading for “that” time of month.
Normally and naturally as with many women I start to retain water, feel more
emotional, feel hungrier and crave carbs big style. If I had rationalised that
in my head and understood that this phase does pass I could have retained the
motivation and focus to stay rigidly with CD sole source. I do however, realise
that I am affected by the hormonal changes in my body and even with the best
will in the world it was going to be agony to remain so rigid during these
times. Instead of reacting as I did this time, I will be prepared for next time
and acknowledge my body changes and go with them knowing they are transient. I
will be thinking of ways to nurture and nourish myself without turning to high
fat and loaded carb foods. But also I need to think of what I can eat when I
step up on the CD plan at these times that is both nutritional and fulfilling,
so my thinking cap is on regarding that one.
Fifth is my response to
life experiences. It goes back to previous Blogs about comfort and emotional
eating. I started to dwell on and be affected again by past experiences and
hurts rather than let them go as this Blog is meant to be all about. I guess in
some ways I have only paid lip service to what I wrote about addressing past
traumas and letting them go and in doing so allowed them all to come flooding
back and compound my grief. Holding on to those trauma’s serves only to hold on
to the burden and the weight they have created. I must walk my walk if I am to
achieve what I set out to achieve. In future I will write shorter Blogs here
rather than let issues and experiences build up and sabotage my goals. Writing
will help keep me focussed on what the issues are and make me find ways of
resolving them… High fives to that!
Sixth and final trigger was
that there was a Lunar Eclipse last week that I felt quite significantly. I am
always quite sensitive to Lunar energies and they were particularly powerful
this time. I didn’t even realise it was happening until it “happened” to me and
I read about it on good ol’ Facebook. I had not bothered to look at my Lunar
diary, didn’t even do my New Moon ritual this time. I can’t really say why this
is so except that my frame of mind was terribly low for all the reasons above.
I have decided that I need to start carrying my Lunar Diary with me again and start
working with the cycles rather than suffer the effects of them. It’s no wonder
I feel such an emotional wreck when all the basic tools in my toolbox of coping
strategies in life have been ignored.
I saw Alice, my CD
Consultant last week at my weigh-in and I lost 1 and half pounds which
considering what had happened the week before was pretty good. I have slowed my
journey down but hey…it is not a race and I have plenty of time to get to where
I want to. In fact this is a life long journey and what I am doing right now is
all the preparation to become healthier and fitter because losing weight is not
just “it”. I have stayed on CD Sole Source for now because I am not ready to
step up to incorporate food yet into my diet. I need to regroup and look at all
the triggers again to last week’s chaos and formulate the strategies I need to
cope with them all when they raise their ugly heads again …. And they will… but
next time I will be waiting with my water canons to blast them away!
To conclude here on a very positive
note I am hugely inspired by someone who is also on the CD plan. He is a fab
musician rocking his life and looking absolutely amazing. He has agreed to
share his story with me so I can write a Blog to inspire not only me but anyone
else struggling to keep on track. Look out for this in the next Month.
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